Saturday, July 23, 2016

Mr. Snapchat

Mr. Snapchat
Written by Amanda Hawkins

    This is a very personal story that I have not told anyone other than my husband, and it is one of my largest regrets. To some of you it may not seem to be a big deal, but I am very ashamed of this, and I have repented of it more times than I can count. It's time now to share my experience to hopefully prevent some of you young ladies out there from possibly going through the same thing. I pray that this story helps you to overcome a similar situation.

    Before I met my husband I was talking with a guy for several months through text and Snapchat. He was in college so we didn't really see each other in person much.
    I had a huge crush on this guy, -- for the sake of the story let's call him Shane, -- and I was very naive at the time, desperate for love, searching for 'the one.' I had never had a boyfriend before, and I was becoming very anxious to be with someone, seeing all of my friends in relationships. He had a couple common interests as me, the main two being guitar, and he was a Christian as well.
    I was praying a lot for God to reveal the man who was right for me, the one God had in store. I asked the Lord over and over again if Shane was the one, and I was searching for signs. I was trying to convince myself that he was the one. I think in my heart I knew that he wasn't, but I persisted to ask God, even though deep down I knew the answer, and I continued to converse with this guy.
    Shane and I Snapchatted a few times a week, and I was blinded. He told me he loved me, and that was the first time a guy had ever told me that. I was naive and ignorant. I told him I loved him back, though looking back I know that I didn't, now that I know true love.
    After a while of sending Snaps back and forth he asked me to send him a picture of myself in my bra. I did, though I don't know why. I was raised better than that, and I knew I shouldn't. The moment I hit send I felt very nervous and very guilty at the same time. Over a couple of weeks span I sent two more pictures, nothing more provocative than the bra, but that didn't make it any better. Each time I hit send I felt more guilty. That guilt was Jesus begging me to stop.
    At the time I felt God was telling me to read the book of Jeremiah. I picked it up and read the first 3 chapters. God through Jeremiah spoke of God's people playing the harlot:

"Why trimmest thou thy way to seek love? Therefore hast thou also taught the wicked ones thy ways." -- Jeremiah 2:33

"For of old time I have broken thy yoke, and burst thy bands; and thou saidst, I will not transgress; when upon every high hill and under every green tree thou wanderest, playing the harlot." -- Jeremiah 2:20

"Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the Lord." -- Jeremiah 3:13

    Those bible verses in particular stood out to me, and I felt like a harlot for revealing my body to someone who I was not married to. My body was not my body to give away or show off even before I was married, because my body was only meant for the man the Lord had in store for me. The man I was too impatient to wait for, my husband Dominic.
    I cried for a long time. I had not only committed adultery myself, but had helped Shane commit adultery. Though he had already committed adultery in his heart by lusting after me.
    I begged the Lord to forgive me for this sin. I should have known better, I was so ashamed. I am grateful that Jesus is always so willing to forgive, and without his grace I don't know where I would be. I thank the Lord that Shane did not save or screen shot any of the pictures as well.
    After I had prayed and prayed and prayed, I told Shane that I didn't feel right about sending those pictures to him anymore, that it wasn't right with the Lord. However, I continued to talk to him, which I should not have done. I talked to him all the way up until I met my husband, and at that point I finally told him that I could no longer talk to him. I repented once again, for talking to Shane even for that long.
    I was so blind that the Lord had to literally place a boulder -- Dominic, -- in front of me before I could realize that Shane was not the man that God wanted me to be with. Even though I was praying, my heart was not truly open to the answer. I was so set on not having to wait for the right man, that I tried to force something that the Lord did not want to happen. I thank the Lord for closing old doors and opening new ones.

    I urge you young ladies out there to wait for the man God has in store for you, for Gods' ways are better than our ways. It is worth the wait. Set your expectations higher, and seek the Lord in your decision to enter into a relationship with someone. Courtship is also key. The intent should be marriage, not dating, not hooking up.

    Mothers, I urge you to talk with your teenagers and pre teens about apps like Snapchat. It's too easy to send a self destructive photo message, being in the privacy of your own home and behind your portable screen. It may seem like innocent chatting, but things can escalate quickly, and I am lucky that things didn't go farther than they did in my story. How sad it would have been if I would've had to go through a rotten and sinful relationship before I met my husband. I am proud to say that Dominic was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first true love, my first time, and my first and only husband forever. Share this post with your daughters. I pray that you have gained some wisdom from my mistake.

Peace be with you, in the name of Jesus.

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