A Losing Battle: 8 Tips To Help You Stop Fighting With Your Husband.

A Losing Battle:
6 tips to help you stop fighting with your husband.

Written by Amanda Hawkins

    Fighting with your husband is always a losing battle.

The moment you married your husband, you became a team. You earn money together, you live together, you raise your children together, everything of yours belongs to him and everything of his belongs to you. Fighting with this man will take you nowhere.

"Every city or house divided against itself shall not stand." -- Matthew 12:25

    You married this man for better, or for worse.

    As time passes in your marriage, life circumstances tend to overwhelm the relationship, and you begin to place blame on each other for everything that happens. Whether it be finances, or a family member passing away, or simple things that occur on a daily basis.

    The words 'for better or for worse,' turn into, 'If it's not for the better, I want a divorce.' And divorce has become a far too easy and socially acceptable way out of a supposed lifelong covenant, commitment, and contract.

    When most people enter into a marriage commitment, they don't usually realize that marriage is not always going to be peaches and cream. Marriage is actual work. It is an actual commitment, with give and take, and it often needs more give than take in order to thrive.

    Maybe you feel unheard.

    Maybe both of you always seem to believe that you're the one in the right.

    Maybe the smallest and silliest things break out into world war three. For instance, my husband and I always fight over grocery shopping, and food.

    Regardless of how, or why, whether you're right or wrong, or how good of a reason you think you have to fight with your husband, no fight is a winning fight.

     If you want to stop fighting with your husband, if you want to save your marriage, you have to take the first step. Your heart has to change. Your husband may need to change as well, but that will come by example when you take initiative. It takes two to tango. You have to choose to stop arguing, and stop trying to be right. You have to chose to love your husband no matter what, and stand by him, and submit to him. Sometimes you just have to lose the fight, and in the process, win the battle.

    The first step could be any small and loving gesture. I'm going to give you the list of things I have done, and I pray that these things help you as they have helped me greatly. Because I know I need all the help I can get at times, we all do.

PRAY

 The number one advice I can give you is to pray. Through prayer the Lord has healed the sick, saved sinners, and beyond the shadow of a doubt Jesus can save your marriage. God does not want you to fight with your spouse. Satan does. I was once in a very bad argument with my husband Dominic. I can't recall what it was about now, but at the time it seemed very important. We ended up ignoring each other. We were sitting in our own separate chairs next to each other with the most deadly silence between us; neither one of us would dare speak another word. I remember stewing for a while, and then I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I knelt down on my knees low to the ground and started to pray. I thanked the Lord for my husband, and I asked Him to take away my anger and my pride. I begged Jesus to help me forgive, and to help my husband forgive me for the things I said to him during the fight. The moment I stepped out of that bathroom the argument didn't matter to me anymore. It seemed to be such a ridiculous thing to fight over, whatever it was. I walked over to Dominic and apologized, and told him I loved him, and he forgave me and apologized as well. Prayer is very powerful. Just ask Jesus to take control.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." -- Matthew 7:7

KEEP A LIST

 Buy a notebook or a journal that you like the look of. This will be used as a list book. It will be a reminder of why you are with your husband. Write every single thing you love about him. Record everything. Every time you're angry with him, read all of the good things and add more if you can. This will prevent you from thinking negative thoughts toward him, and will replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. I've been doing this for a year, and it truly works. (It can serve as a prayer book as well if you like.)

USE KIND WORDS

 In the heat of an argument, it's easy to spit out words that hurt each other. You say everything that comes to mind, and the thoughts you think aren't always how you truly feel. As husband and wife you should build each other up, not tear each other down. Tell your husband he's good at something as opposed to commenting on something he's bad at and tearing him down. Compliment him. Stop calling him an idiot. Instead of resorting to harsh jabs to make your partner feel bad, try saying 'I love you,' or 'I'm sorry honey.' Swallowing your pride can go a long way, and so can looking past your anger. Treat your husband like you love him, build him up.

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." -- Proverbs 15:1

BE COMMITTED

 Emotions can sometimes cloud your clear vision, and your marriage may start to feel like a lost cause. You may start to believe that it's too much work, and that you need time to yourself. You may start to believe that your husband is an insensitive man who doesn't care, because men tend to be less emotional than woman. But remember that it's not always the feelings that drive your marriage, but rather the commitment, and mutual respect for one another. If you have no respect for your husband, you have no true love for your husband, and it goes both ways. It's that initial commitment that should drive your marriage. You must be committed to one another, and you must never forsake that commitment. Stand by your vows, and stand by your man.

"For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” -- Ruth 1:16-17

REMEMBER YOU MARRIED A SINNER

 We are all sinners. We all sin, regardless of our best attempts to be good Christian people, we can not meet the high standard of holiness that God has set. This is the reason for God's grace, forgiveness, and the blood of Jesus, to wash us clean of our transgressions if we ask for His forgiveness. God is ever ready to forgive us. Remember that you are just as much of a sinner as your husband is. No one is perfect. When your husband messes up, you just have to forgive him and pray. Pray for your husband, and pray for yourself to be a wife worthy of your husband’s honor.

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;" -- Romans 3:23

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES

Every couple has arguments. It comes with the territory when you're sharing your life with someone who differs from you in some ways. Just remember to learn from those arguments. My husband and I have learned something about each other from every single fight we've had, and we've never had the same argument twice. It's never good to fight all the time, but the fact is, fights happen, and when they do, you have to be resilient. You have to take something useful from the argument. You can't give up on your marriage just because you think you argue too much. Work through it, and learn from it.

"Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more." -- Job 41:8

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Peace be with you, in the name of Jesus.